As many of you know I went to the emergency room a little over a month ago thinking that I was having a heart attack or something else was going on. There were times that I honestly thought it could be my last few moments and then times where I felt a peace about everything. The two visits to the ER landed me in a Cardiologist's office and wearing a heart monitor for 3 weeks which just about drove me nuts every day of my life. I have never been so tired in my life as the time that I had to wear this dumb thing. The three weeks that I wore this I only got one reading, but from that one reading I was able to get results. The doc told me that the horrible sensation I was feeling was called PVC. If you are wondering what a PVC is here is the definition given by Web MD.....Premature ventricular complex, or PVC: This electrical impulse starts in the ventricle causing the heart to beat earlier than expected. Usually, the heart returns to its normal rhythm right away. This sounds like it would be an issue but the doc said that I will live to be old and die of something else and this will not hinder life at all. He said that this sensation that is happening at the bottom of my heart is what is causing it to feel like there is a fish in there flopping around. I walked away from the doc with no meds that day and with thoughts of specialness. Haha. In all sarcasm I say the "thoughts of specialness" because the Dr. says that alot of people have this issue, yet they don't feel it at all. He said I was one of the lucky ones. So with that, treatment is that I will call back if it gets to the point that I need to take action and with that they would try meds. If meds did not work in the long run they would do a procedure where they go in and actually shock the bottom part of my heart. Either way... I praise God because I can only live because he makes my ticker tick and puts the air in my lungs.
During this time I have been sleep deprived because the monitor would keep me awake at night because I only got to take it off to take a shower. I would find myself pulling nodes off of my chest or belly because I would roll over in my sleep. This was a time where through sleep deprivation I found myself in hostile territory in which spiritual warfare was a part of my every day life.... in a way that it has never been. I feel that God has kept me sane and feel that it was a time of reflection that still has me thinking today, "When is it going to stop?" Thank the Lord I do not have that monitor on anymore and my rest is coming back, however I am still going through some warfare that was started while all of this was going on. I have found it hard to read for class, hard to focus on God, falling into thoughts I shouldn't, and wondering what was wrong with me that I was faltering. This is not my life and my heart yearns that God would take over, however this is a time where I have let myself try to take control and I have badly regretted it. So the heart condition is more than a heart condition. This was the marking of a war that I cannot win, but only the true King and Messiah can lead me through to the ultimate victory that He has done. He is the one that said "It is finished" and He is the one that rose again only to be seated on the throne high above anything or anyone else. This Master holds the key... until then I will have to go into war with guns blazing and trust that He will give me courage, strength, and might to keep going. My faith is not wavering in how big God is, however I see that I need more faith to keep going through the valley's and battles that lay ahead. From this one event I see that I can't go another day without being at all out war with the enemy. My life is in His hands, so I will just keep on keepin on.
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