Disappointment

At some point in everyone's life they are disappointed. This stinks, but it is fact. Lately things really felt as though they weren't going in my favor and I was losing hope in situations. People with lack of reaching out, wrong decisions, over analyzing, stressful situations all got me to this stage. After a meeting with Jesus I realized that I will always be disappointed if it is left in my hands and I must quit confusing my ways with his. His ways may be difficult, but I will never be let down because ultimately God is sovereign and will put me in a better place than I can put myself. So where I am hoping you followed me to is that we should pray to God to be in His will and that His glory is most important, not having everything come out as we plan. I have never heard of disappointments stemming from glorifying Him.... that is truth.

ITS BEEN TOOOOOO LONG

Hello folks,
sorry to leave you all hangin. I just gotta say that I have found a new song that I dearly love. Weird thing is... I somewhat know what it says. Check this link out and listen to some rad singin... DEDICATED TO THE DEAREST AND FINEST PRINCESS OF ALL!

New Year Encouragement..

So I decided to give a pep talk... haha... well sorta. I did it on the spot and hope that it will help yall as you start the new year. This is hopefully something that will help you to look forward to 2010...

It's a Heart Condition...

As many of you know I went to the emergency room a little over a month ago thinking that I was having a heart attack or something else was going on. There were times that I honestly thought it could be my last few moments and then times where I felt a peace about everything. The two visits to the ER landed me in a Cardiologist's office and wearing a heart monitor for 3 weeks which just about drove me nuts every day of my life. I have never been so tired in my life as the time that I had to wear this dumb thing. The three weeks that I wore this I only got one reading, but from that one reading I was able to get results. The doc told me that the horrible sensation I was feeling was called PVC. If you are wondering what a PVC is here is the definition given by Web MD.....Premature ventricular complex, or PVC: This electrical impulse starts in the ventricle causing the heart to beat earlier than expected. Usually, the heart returns to its normal rhythm right away. This sounds like it would be an issue but the doc said that I will live to be old and die of something else and this will not hinder life at all. He said that this sensation that is happening at the bottom of my heart is what is causing it to feel like there is a fish in there flopping around. I walked away from the doc with no meds that day and with thoughts of specialness. Haha. In all sarcasm I say the "thoughts of specialness" because the Dr. says that alot of people have this issue, yet they don't feel it at all. He said I was one of the lucky ones. So with that, treatment is that I will call back if it gets to the point that I need to take action and with that they would try meds. If meds did not work in the long run they would do a procedure where they go in and actually shock the bottom part of my heart. Either way... I praise God because I can only live because he makes my ticker tick and puts the air in my lungs.

During this time I have been sleep deprived because the monitor would keep me awake at night because I only got to take it off to take a shower. I would find myself pulling nodes off of my chest or belly because I would roll over in my sleep. This was a time where through sleep deprivation I found myself in hostile territory in which spiritual warfare was a part of my every day life.... in a way that it has never been. I feel that God has kept me sane and feel that it was a time of reflection that still has me thinking today, "When is it going to stop?" Thank the Lord I do not have that monitor on anymore and my rest is coming back, however I am still going through some warfare that was started while all of this was going on. I have found it hard to read for class, hard to focus on God, falling into thoughts I shouldn't, and wondering what was wrong with me that I was faltering. This is not my life and my heart yearns that God would take over, however this is a time where I have let myself try to take control and I have badly regretted it. So the heart condition is more than a heart condition. This was the marking of a war that I cannot win, but only the true King and Messiah can lead me through to the ultimate victory that He has done. He is the one that said "It is finished" and He is the one that rose again only to be seated on the throne high above anything or anyone else. This Master holds the key... until then I will have to go into war with guns blazing and trust that He will give me courage, strength, and might to keep going. My faith is not wavering in how big God is, however I see that I need more faith to keep going through the valley's and battles that lay ahead. From this one event I see that I can't go another day without being at all out war with the enemy. My life is in His hands, so I will just keep on keepin on.

What do I know of Holy?

So recently my mind has been baffled by the amazing song by Addison Road. I can't wrap my mind around its words and meaning. It draws me to think more than anything ever. What do we know of Holy??? Really think about that question. watch this video and think about where you stand.

In April I posted a blog....

It had a video of Matthew West's song "The Motions". I still have not gotten over the message of the song and everytime I hear it, it makes me think even more, why do I live this life as though I am certain of my next moment? Why do I live life as though I am in control? Why do I live life as though I have a say so if I take my next breath? Truth is, every moment should be lived out as if it is my last and my love for Christ and other people should pour through. Here are the lyrics of the song....



This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
What if I had given everything,
Instead of going through the motions?

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
What if I had given everything,
Instead of going through the motions?

Take me all the way (take me all the way)
Take me all the way (cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
Take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
What if I had given everything,
Instead of going through the motions?

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
What if I had given everything,
Instead of going through the motions?

Take me all the way (take me all the way)
Take me all the way (I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go)
Take me all the way (through the motions)
Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

Yet Another Great Devotion

So, I had LIFEgroup yesterday with my guys and came away feeling this sense of how great God is and feeling awesome about how He could love me and how I want to reciprocate that to Him. To love Him back above all else in my life means alot has to change. Why would I change this stuff though? Just yesterday I taught about doing "quiet time" as an obligation to this God I gave my heart to and the guilt associated when I, or any other Christian, feels when we miss it. I showed that as the example that we don't want to have real intimacy and admitted my life being that way. I admitted that I failed "epically," as one of the guys would say, at having time with Christ. That time is truly something I wanted to do just out of love but before I just did it out of obligation and I felt I had to..... so to go on with this idea I missed my devo from last night. I went back this morning to read and started laughing once I read it... here it is.....

http://www.myutmost.org/07/0719.html


MASTERY OVER THE BELIEVER



"Ye call Me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am." John 13:13

Our Lord never insists on having authority; He never says - Thou shalt. He leaves us perfectly free - so free that we can spit in His face, as men did; so free that we can put Him to death, as men did; and He will never say a word. But when His life has been created in me by His Redemption I instantly recognize His right to absolute authority over me. It is a moral domination - "Thou art worthy . . ." It is only the unworthy in me that refuses to bow down to the worthy. If when I meet a man who is more holy than myself, I do not recognize his worthiness and obey what comes through him, it is a revelation of the unworthy in me. God educates us by means of people who are a little better than we are, not intellectually but "holily," until we get under the domination of the Lord Himself, and then the whole attitude of the life is one of obedience to Him.

If Our Lord insisted upon obedience He would become a taskmaster, and He would cease to have any authority. He never insists on obedience, but when we do see Him we obey Him instantly, He is easily Lord, and we live in adoration of Him from morning till night. The revelation of my growth in grace is the way in which I look upon obedience. We have to rescue the word "obedience" from the mire. Obedience is only possible between equals; it is the relationship between father and son, not between master and servant. "I and My Father are one." "Though He were a Son, yet learned He obedience by the things which He suffered." The Son's obedience was as Redeemer, because He was Son, not in order to be Son.



Coincidence, I think not. Thanks again for using Oswald Chambers to author a beautiful devo.

My Utmost For His Highest...

Oswald Chambers put out a masterpiece.... but really it wasn't him. God has his hands all over this guy. God used him to author an amazing devotional in which I want to share. Todays was this...

July 15th.





THE POINT OF SPIRITUAL HONOUR



"I am debtor both to the Greeks, and to the barbarians." Romans 1:14

Paul was overwhelmed with the sense of his indebtedness to Jesus Christ, and he spent himself to express it. The great inspiration in Paul's life was his view of Jesus Christ as his spiritual creditor. Do I feel that sense of indebtedness to Christ in regard to every unsaved soul? The spiritual honour of my life as a saint is to fulfil my debt to Christ in relation to them. Every bit of my life that is of value I owe to the Redemption of Jesus Christ; am I doing anything to enable Him to bring His Redemption into actual manifestation in other lives? I can only do it as the Spirit of God works in me this sense of indebtedness.

I am not to be a superior person amongst men, but a bondslave of the Lord Jesus. "Ye are not your own." Paul sold himself to Jesus Christ. He says - I am a debtor to everyone on the face of the earth because of the Gospel of Jesus; I am free to be an absolute slave only. That is the characteristic of the life when once this point of spiritual honour is realized. Quit praying about yourself and be spent for others as the bondslave of Jesus. That is the meaning of being made broken bread and poured out wine in reality.


How amazing is that.... just think about it. Jesus thank you for the opportunity to be a follower of you, God, King, Messiah, and Savior. Help me to be a servant to others because you provided a way to God and a way of freedom to me. I owe everything to you. My life is yours!

http://www.myutmost.org/07/0715.html

Michael Jackson, Just a Man

I have to say, Michael Jackson's death was a surprise and a shocker to everyone on the globe that is able to keep up with entertainment today. The man was no doubt crazy good at everything he did musically, dancing, or video wise. If we take our eyes off of him personally he can see countless times that the man broke the barrier with his unique and awesome shows, music, and dancing. There aren't too many people that you can name that are more famous than he has been and I wonder if there even will be for the time to come. Maybe someday? Here is the issue, the man at one time had all the money he could ask for, had everything he wanted, and lived a pretty care free life. What is missing from this picture? The man was the king of pop yet his kingdom has now gotten him no where with the King above all Kings. It is sad because we can see this man that did everything he wanted, yet had everything missing at the same time. Everything MJ had was lost, now eternity awaited him and he has nothing to vouch between him and the perfect and holy God. If there is no mediator between him and God then there is no eternity in God's kingdom. Jesus was the answer which Michael rejected in his life continually. This gos to show you can have everything and have nothing. I would rather have nothing but through Jesus gain everything. You have to decide, you either reject Christ or you dont. Simple as that. With Christ you get to glorify and praise a King that is better than anything you can fathom where eternity is spent with Jesus, or resisting God going through a life of foolishness that is only rewarded in eternity away from God and everything that He created. Think about it.



Michael was just a man like the rest of us...dirty and filthy of his sin and the wrongful things he did against God. Next time you go to a concert of someone..... while you are about to pass out and you are crying because of your obsessions.... step back and see that that is mere man and worship the true person that deserves it....Jesus.

Brownsville Mission Trip June 2009

Brownsville Mission Trip Journal---



June 13, 2009 Saturday
Today was an early day for me because I stayed awake in excitement for most of the night. Today as the day went on I found myself more and more in pain as we went down the road on the way to Brownsville. The back pain I had was from the wreck I had months ago, but it made me realize once again who God is. This pain helped me once again to see who God is and how my life is held in His hands. Maybe this is something that I needed to remember as I came on this trip. When the wreck happened they told me I should have been paralyzed or even worse, but all I had was back pain and muscle pulls. This caused my life to flash before my eyes and helped me to see I am here only because God wants me to be…so live it up for Christ! Now I can take that with me for the rest of the trip.

June 14, 2009 Sunday
Today I woke up after a long night of tossing and turning, listening to my roommate talk in his sleep, and bathroom breaks, and was ready to see what God was going to do. We had a late start because they took a long time to serve breakfast, but it was ok as we finally left for the church. The service started and we were prayed over by the church. Soon after praise and worship, two guys would get up to do their testimony, Lonnie and Jonah. Both were touching but the most awesome time of the service was two things for me….
1. The song they played for offertory which says
“You’re the center of the universe, Everything was made in You, Jesus Breath of every living thing, Everyone was made for You :Pre-Chorus: You hold everything together, You hold everything together, :chorus: Christ be the center of our lives, Be the place we fix our eyes, Be the center of our lives We lift our eyes to heaven, We wrap our lives around your life, We lift our eyes to heaven, to You”
2. The closing illustration from the sermon…. Andrew talked about catching a small fish when he went out deep sea fishing and caught a decent sized fish but was alarmed when the guide took his fish rehooked it and threw it back as bait. That is when Andrew learned that sometimes you have to give a little to get a lot. Sometimes we have to sacrifice something we want or sacrifice our lives to go on to something bigger that God calls us to. Andrew later caught a huge shark…. Now that is a fish story. Soon after I would learn my sacrifice for the trip as I volunteered to help the kids with arts and crafts. My heart is drawn to and I love teaching older folks (youth and up). This is a difficult role to simply stand there to make sure the kids are gluing their nametags together correctly or whatever they may be doing. The smile of the kids however warms my heart as I remember going to craft time when I was a kid. So with this I commend my hands and time of service, whether it seems like my calling or not. I rely on the spirit to completely work in the times I am here whether it is VBS, building, or witnessing…God just use me.

June 15, 2009 Monday
What a night of rest! Finally! I woke up ready to go this morning and waiting to be used and a question came to my mind…. “Lord are the others ready to be used?” Hopefully everyone on this trip has a heart that is right and completely ready for service. Holy Spirit sit down on our group and move us as a puppet! As I write this song says this “In the morning, when I rise Give me Jesus Give me Jesus. Give me Jesus, Give me Jesus. You can have all this world, Just give me Jesus. When I am alone, Give me Jesus. Give me Jesus. Give me Jesus, Give me Jesus. You can have all this world, Just give me Jesus. When I come to die, Give me Jesus. Give me Jesus. Give me Jesus, Give me Jesus. You can have all this world, Just give me Jesus” I make that my prayer today as I go out. I pray that nothing else would have more impact on my life, nor anything have more value in my life than that of my King and Savior. Today I pray that will show in the way I help and the way I show the kids the attitude of Christ through me. We are getting sweatier by the second just thinking about building the bunk beds. (BEFORE) We just sweated immensely while building bunk beds (AFTER) Building felt good though as we got 8 or so beds built in an hour or two. God is amazing as He gave us the strength to do so. The trip to build the beds at the mission was quick however afterwards we had great food at Pollo Loco, which is amazing and then went swimming before another night at VBS. Everything was simply great… I am starting to get the hang of these little critters gluing their fingers together and writing everywhere with markers. God show them your face.

June 16, 2009 Tuesday
Today we went to the Mission building to build bunk beds and all of us thought it would be so cool if we could build all the bunk beds that we all were supposed to do during the duration of the trip. We started getting into great teamwork and we all worked our bones off. The teamwork paid off as we (my team of 8 plus another team of 6-8 or so) finished all the bunk beds. This included putting them together, almost all of them were sanded and about 12 or so were left to the other teams to put the wood protectant/sealant on. I was honestly so impressed with everyone’s work ethic and was so happy to see that all the beds that needed to be done were almost completely done. There was hardly anything left for the teams left to do to them expect putting the sealant on and moving them inside the building. The beds are going to be able to take in groups that will minister for the Kingdom of God and I don’t know how God will use it in its entirety until the other side of eternity. All of the hard work makes you hungry so after a long morning of getting woodchips and sand on us my team (team AWESOME) went to Chili’s. I was somewhat disappointed when I didn’t get to sit with a couple guys that I felt a little closer to, but soon found that lunch was going to be a great experience as I learned about Mike and Will and how God miraculously saved them from Atheism and living a life of hatred and other things. God really blessed me through them talking to each other as I mainly sat back and listened. This reminded me that we all have a story of how Christ, the King, lowered Himself and stayed obedient to death in humility so that those that will follow Him will have life. There is no greater message that I could think about the rest of the day. Today during free time I of course was at the pool…this seems to be a trend everyday now. Tonight’s VBS was more difficult for me as I was sooooooo tired from busting my butt most of the morning and not resting much during my free time. VBS was great though as the kids seemed like they almost doubled in number. The first and second grade class is tooooooo BIG, HAHA! Lord keep working…you are the Almighty Creator…I praise you.

June 17, 2009 Wednesday
Today is the day! I could feel it when I woke up that the Lord would use me as His tool in a special way today as His spokesman. Today we had our briefing at the church like usual and the teams switched….two went to the Mission and two went on mission go. By swapping this meant that my team was now on mission go. Mission go is door to door missions where we tell people about the VBS that is going on, pray, tell about the church, and share our faith if given the opportunity. One group went to mostly English speaking areas and the other group went to help Mt. Horeb Baptist….a fully Spanish speaking church that works with First Baptist some. My group went with Mt. Horeb translators into neighborhoods and would soon be on the streets. At first the people were opening doors and listening, but it didn’t seem as if they cared what we were saying. Finally I got to pray for a lady and her family which had needs because her son had a warrant out for his arrest, another son that had no job that was struggling, and other family issues. She had a tear rolling down her face as we left and I could not help but feel the Spirit inside me telling me that I am here to minister to people….not just share about a VBS. Shakiera was our translator and she did a great job. Her heart seems to be on fire for the Lord and I am so happy to see her working with us in this immense heat and humidity with us. The next 2 houses we had no one answer, but the next one I felt the Holy Spirit all over me to share the gospel. Its funny how that happened because a man named Roger answered the door and Shakiera asked if he spoke English and he did. I was able to talk to him about a few things and then was able to present the gospel to him. I spent about 15 or more minutes with Roger and was so excited at what the Lord did through me when Roger said he wanted to give His life to Christ there on the spot. We prayed and I told Roger that I would pray for him for the next couple weeks straight and then I would pray for him off and on for the next couple months after that. I told him that if he would let God take control his life would change and He would realize how amazing God is. Roger already went to church however I told him that would even be different if he was truly giving his life to the Lord. I am excited this happened. The high from that almost sent me over the edge and I started praying for the next house. Once we started up the driveway two little girls poked out from the car and we asked them to get their mom or dad. Out came this kinda dirty mechanic looking guy named Harold. I would soon learn that this experience was going to be very different than the house before. Harold told us stories upon stories about his life which was sad and Reuben, Shakiera, and I could all see God moving in this man’s life but he was absolutely ignoring it. He told us it was his way or no way, explained how he knew God and claimed to be Gods. We could see that he knew of God but did not have a relationship with him through every story he was telling us and by his own admissions. He was so stuck in his confusing that 20 minutes later we would walk away distraught because of his confusion in thinking he had a relationship with Jesus, our Messiah. I told Harold that I would spend the next month praying for him daily and then I would do it on and off for the next year. This will be hard to do, but I have to pray for God to show this man once and for all who He is and hopefully he will be saved. The rest of my day was kinda scarred by this and I thought about it a lot. Thanks be to God for the salvation and I pray for the man that rejected true life. I feel that those two households were what God woke me up for this morning. That feeling inside was to get me to those two houses to follow Him, whether it was good or bad. VBS was hard tonight as we did these bracelets that I had to help all the kids do because they were too complicated for most of them. I have never really braided and found it was difficult to braid for hours on end. I thought my fingers were going to fall off at the end of the night. Ha Ha. It was all worth it, all of the kids grew closer to me and to the volunteers because of that and I was glad to serve them. Now its time to go to IHOP with the guys! Thanks Lord for such an amazing day. At least 8 were saved just by gospel declarations today. Praise Jesus, our King forever and ever.

June 18, 2009 Thursday
Today happened to start out the same way as yesterday. I woke up with the idea that God was going to do something great and use me. I was right, but it took a lot of time to get to those people that we would help. We had so many houses that would not open their doors as they thought we were salesman, Jehovah’s Witnesses, or just didn’t because they were Catholic and Catholics are pretty straight forward saying no they don’t want to hear anything from someone that isn’t Catholic. We finally had the opportunity to knock on a fence at a house and a lady opened her door and walked out to the fence where we were standing. We would soon find out that she was a believer already and was struggling with a lot of things. She had just gone to a bible study the night before and had a verse from 2 Chronicles written in the palm of her hand. I felt as if Reuben was supposed to talk to her through Shakiera. I soon learned why as he was able to encourage her through the difficult times she was having. She said that she had gastro…something and her health was not as good as it should have been because she had not really taken care of herself. She would then tell us about something else that absolutely broke my heart. She had a son that was 12 yet he was probably 6’ 3” or 6’ 4” tall. He was mentally handicapped and had a disease described as giganticism. This is a huge deal for her as her husband works and has to go out of town, leaving her by herself with him and it was hard for her to take care of him by herself. Reuben prayed and Shakiera translated it and we were able to share several encouraging verses for her to read to help her. We then would walk for about 20-30 minutes before we had the chance to speak to someone seriously. No one was answering their door at all and finally a young teenager answers the door at his house. He was in his underwear and would stand there in front of us listening to what we had to say. Eventually I had the privilege of sharing the gospel with him and then at the end of my presentation of our Lord’s message we would hear a phone go off. The ring from the phone distracted us for a sec and then I gave an invitation to the kid following that. The poor guy abruptly said no and shut the door. He sat there all that time listening and then just cut us off. Doesn’t he realize that he just rejected something better than he could ever have on his own accord? Doesn’t he realize that he could be worshiping the King of all Glory? This broke my heart as we would keep walking and eventually would come across a house where we talked to a lady named Rosario. I remember her name because I said “Tu nombre es Brad,” and she would quickly say, “Tu nombre es Rosario.” I then realize I messed up….I meant to say “Mi nombre es Brad” I had told her that her name was Brad to start off the convo, which is very funny. No wonder she looked at me weird. I fixed it though with my limited Spanish skills. Soon we would find out that this family was in need and I was able to pray for them and for Rosario’s sister that lived somewhere else like Guadalajara or something of that nature. By the end of the prayer and translating we looked up to tears streaming down her face and I had a feeling that God was working on them. I prayed for immediate healing through the Power of Christ and His Holy Spirit if it is His will as this ladies life seemed in grave danger of death, possibly without a Savior to save her. I truly believe God will do something amazing and show His face so that other people will be saved from that situation. I can’t wait to see someday. Tonight I finished with the kids and just like the nights before rushed over to the youth building. This night was different however. This was a night that ran a little longer. During this time Craig got up and did an acoustic set just by himself. He started leading us all in praise and the Spirit of God just came down. Before the night was over all I could do is get on my knees and cry. The presence of God was so powerful that I could not sing anymore and even got to the point where I could not pray anymore. I felt as though all I could do is think and ponder about the greatness of God and how He deserves all praise. I was hunched over on my knees crying with my face in my hands, thinking “God you deserve all of me. God You are the Almighty Creator of all. You gave me a relationship with You through Jesus Death. I don’t deserve the relationship, nor do I deserve the extra blessings….so I lift your name up. I couldn’t think of anything but His splendor and greatness. Eventually I would realize that He was beckoning me to lay my heart out for Him and plea for forgiveness of my pride and other things that hinder my walk and just walk in the grace provided that overshadows me. I felt something in my heart that was so amazing that I can’t describe it. This was true praise. This was truly everything I needed. I begged and pleaded with the Lord to help the passion to love and serve never go away. He is great and good. What an amazing few days it’s been.

June 19, 2009 Friday
Today we woke up early to go to the beach on South Padre Island. I was so stoked….I have not ever been to Padre, only to Galveston and Port Aransas. As we got out to the beach we could see there was amazing waves coming in. Team awesome (Lonnie, Mike, Jonathan, Reuben, Will, Luke, Daniel, Craig and me) walked down the beach a ways and quickly put our stuff down to run into the water. The water was pretty cold at first but the thrill and beauty of God’s creation soon took over as we were all out there. I got to just hang out and run around with the guys all morning until breakfast got there. At this point I decided that it was worth getting a boogie board for the remainder 2 ½ hours that we were going to be there. I was right and wrong about this decision. Though the boogie board was great fun, the irritation it caused my stomach and chest along with the sand rubbing almost did me in. I had welts that were as big around as tennis balls and it was pure pain. For a little while it seemed as though maybe a jellyfish got a hold of me. This jellyfish story was easy to believe as we had found a jellyfish on the shore just as soon as we got there. Eventually there was a perfectly good stranger there at the beach that loaned me some pain relieving cream and it helped somewhat. The pain at one point was unbearable, but eventually I could handle it as we headed back to the hotel. As soon as I had a shower and the cream was off it was pretty bad again though. Oh well, what can you do? Next item to buy for the beach*******a water suit****** haha! All in all the trip to beach was great. God’s glory was all around us as I got to hang out with some great people and friends. God is truly breath taking. The rest of the day we spent eating great food, relaxing, and then went to the final night at VBS. Tonight the way the schedule was I got to hang with the youth. Though it was mostly just a hang out night that night it was a blessing in disguise. The youth at the church are amazing and we all had fun. There were at least 4 or more people come up to me and asked me to apply for the youth ministry position there at the church. What is weird is that for some reason this idea did not sound far away from what I was thinking in my mind. This sent my mind for a swirl and I have not recovered yet. Tonight however is heart breaking for me as I leave behind a city, church, and people that felt as though it was a second home for me. Why does it seem so much like I should live there and minister there? Why do I have a longing from the moment I got off the van to stay here in Brownsville? I guess I will see. Lord help me through this.

June 20, 2009 Saturday
Today we got up early and I honestly hated all the feelings inside me. Everything told me to stay. Everything in my heart seemed to scream….stay! Today is a hard day and though all those feelings were going on, I could feel so much joy because of what the Lord had done the past few days. I can’t wait to see how the Lord has used the students at Criswell to impact the churches and city of Brownsville. The trip was long but the good news is I had no back pain. Great news is I was leaving with great friends in my bus that I know I will keep for the rest of my life. Best news is I have so many thoughts about ministry and what God is calling me to. I can’t wait to see what happens. As soon as I got home I found that my parents were in town from 6 hours away and I got to see a video of my sister’s sonogram. There are only 2 months left before my nephew Asher is born and it is amazing. All I can do is praise God’s name. Thank God for my family and for everything He has done. It is his sovereignty and grace that leads.

One Cheekin' It

Today at church we Pastor Jay talked about surrender and what it means. Is it crazy to think about for anyone? Honestly do we understand what this is all about? Surrender is a hard subject for everyone because no one wants to surrender anything aout themselves. We all want our piece or want everything we can get our hands on....its the truth. What happens when we go through life with just our pride and our selfishness running everything? Wouldn't that mean that we have not given everything to Christ like we said? Wouldn't that mean that we are ripping off the very Messiah that deserves our very best? So many questions with all close to the same answers. Lets take it to another level...If Jesus is supposedly King over all and sitting on the throne.....then how come we are trying to sit on it with Him? Just like spoken about today...it seems as though we are one cheekin' it with God when we all know apparently that it is completely the King's throne and not ours. So what do we do? We give everything over, we stop everything we are doing of our own accord and give it all away to our Master and Lord. We realize that we cannot do anything on our own and give up on ourselves and give everything to Christ. That is the only answer and the only way....

Oh My Goodness

Not another day should we as believers ever walk as if God's grace was not poured on us. His grace is so plentiful that there is nothing in life that is as great as His glory, because He saved us from a wrath that we deserve. Now that brings you and I to a point, are we going through the motions? Are we just laid back Christians that know about God and can see what He does sometimes (if it directly effects us) or are we in a relationship not based on rules, but submerged in Love and Grace that provides everything we need in this life ever... Truth is if we knew we had a life with Grace completely covering us our day to day life would be different. WATCH THIS VIDEO, MAYBE IT CAN HELP YOU TO THINK ABOUT THINGS....



The artist in this video is Matthew West. He is an awesome writer/singer that is known for songs such as Happy, More, Next Thing you Know, The Day Before You (popularized by Rascal Flatts)

here is The Day Before You just to catch a glimpse of his God given talent
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5pQlVRypNo

Good Video...Even Better Song

I have never been the hugest fan of American Idol but even though I don't watch it all the time, I even realize that there is major talent on there. With that said...check out this new video... its amazing

David Cook



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjMrxqo43RI

follow up on Hmmmmm....

Just to talk a little about something amazing....if you read my last post I was pondering what God was going to do if He gave me the opportunity to talk to my Paw Paw that was not saved. Prayer was being lifted up and I was praying for the Holy Spirit to move in the hospital room when I saw him. Being in a state of prayer and asking God to completely take over the situation it started out a little tough considering that I flew home and once we got close we ended up making circles because of a storm that was going through my hometown. Sat night it took forever to get home....not only did we do circles and not land but we ended up flying somewhere else and landing. We sat in El Paso, TX waiting and finally we flew out once again to go towards our destination. I was supposed to be there at 7:15 that night but did not get there until 9:30 and I was hungry because I had not eaten yet. Everything cleared up though and the next day I was able to share with my Paw about the Savior, King, and sacrificial Lamb. I have to say it was the most awesome experience I have ever been apart of. This Easter is something that I will never forget...and I will never forget what God did on that day and the words my paw said........

hmmmm...

Just thought that I would say that I am thinking alot and praying alot right now about things that I cannot necessarily say on here. Lord be with me and Holy Spirit move when I talk to Paw sometime this weekend! Stage 4 cancer is never a good thing for most people, but what about the people that it makes closer to Christ? No matter what happens in life there is hope. No matter what happens there is peace and joy in the fact that at the end of the second, minute, hour, day, month, year, or life if we are believers then Jesus changed us. Our focus is no longer on today but the future for He alone is worthy and He is the Messiah(KING) which stepped into human form to dethrown His deity to become a servant. Then he died a cruel and humiliating death, rose the third day out a tomb that wasn't his, and ascended providing a life a freedom and a way of worship to those that believe. Now come on....you gotta realize how good that is...whether there is cancer involved or whether you are having a break up with a girlfriend/boyfriend, or even a joy to the point that you rely on it as soon as you wake up in the morning. Everything changes in life once you realize this. Come Lord Jesus come! I hope its soon.

Philippians 2:5-11

True Joy

Man, alot of things are swirling through my mind and it is flipping me out because this is different then the other hardships that I so recently faced in life. I wasn't going to come out and just post it everywhere, but I must so that Jesus can get glory for being the Majestic King that He is. My Paw Paw has been in the hospital here lately and it seemed as though he got bad news in the first place that he had diabetes along with other complications. Well, he gos on about his business but the pain and the tiredness he was feeling finally overwhelmed him and him and my grandma went over to the hospital. To make a long story short its been over a week now and he is still in there. Paw is so brave and tough because doctors are not his thing and if it wasn't really bad then he would not see a doc. To make a long story short test after test that they have run came back with bad prognosis. We just found out two nights ago that he has cancer. Its not just a spot that they are looking at but cancer in his bones and he just has alot of gunk gone wrong. This is absolutely one of the hardest things that anyone has to hear.
The guy is one heck of a fellow, he has always taken me out to do the manly stuff such as camping and fishing. Man, there is not one time where I can look back and say he was not a factor in my life. When I was 3 and 4 I remember him reading to me and playing school with me and my sister. I remember him taking us to swing at the park every time they would come over. He grew one mean garden, and grew even better fish stories. Something that always impressed me is that He truly loved my nanny and still does. He had no issues doing dishes after dinner and viewed it as "my chores" but not with a dislike, rather just a "I gotta do em". He didnt ever complain...and that is crazy...dishes really suck people! The man can catch a fish in the craziest water conditions with a topwater. He let me do a couple donuts in his boat, wait he didn't really want me to do that...nevermind, but in the end we laughed. He helped me learn how to fillet a fish. He made fun of me when I fell asleep on a guys shoulder that I never met....one time that he took me to work with him on his big truck. The man could dance any kind of dance country western wise and had a hop to him that I could never learn.
Why do I say this? Because I love this man with everything I got and though this news was completely horrid, my heart drops, and I am reduced to tears, I see amazing things. I see a God that has provided me with a family that cares. I see a God that placed me in situations to learn from my paw paw. I see a God that does not sit idly by and let us suffer because we absolutely should rot and go to hell...but yet he doesn't let that happen. I am reminded that because of my relationship with God through Jesus Christ that whether a sickness comes, I lose someone, or anything else happens in this life that His glory continues to spill out because He is God and blessed be the name of the Lord. Joy doesn't come in circumstances of emotion, but in knowing that Jesus Christ paid a price so that I could be free and with my Father in Heaven. So while alot of things seem grim in alot of ways.....I can see right now the glory of an amazing God that deserves worship and us at his feet giving praise. This all happens and is crazy, but another thing happened. Someone close to me lost a grandpa and His grandpa was a great man. A friend of mine called to ask me for prayer for someone the other day that is in the service in Iraq because he was exposed to some form of chemical that was causing him to have seizures and all sorts of issues. My friend that lost his grandpa happens to be my brother in law by the way, and his sister lost her job. Another person had issues with her father going to the hospital for a mini stroke. A guy had some major issues with an ex that will obviously effect him for a long time. Why do I say stuff about this? Because through all this crap is where we find how amazing Jesus is. The King above all Kings. The Messiah and Savior is looking down on us and cares for us...but most importantly he is smiling because He knows what he already conquered so that His followers will not have to worry about these things. Because of that there is joy...because of that there is an amazing thing. Romans 8----the later half...I yearn for you Jesus and your return. For your glory I will follow you with faith that you know everything and I know nothing. I follow you because you were there before time began and before the world and universe came about. Through the cross I look at this time and know there is nothing that will come for anyone that they cannot find joy in because of Him. Everyone look for Christ...He is the rock.

Holy design
this place in time
that i might seek and find my God
my God

Lord i want to yearn for You
i want to burn with passion
over You and only You
Lord i want to yearn

Your joy is mine
yet why am i fine
with all my singing and bringing grain
in light of Him

oh You give life and breath
through Him You give all things
in Him we live and move
that's why i sing

(Acts 17:25-28, Hebrews 12:28-29)

Prosperity Gospel

I would say something, but this video already said more than I can...so I will just post it.

Jenny

So, I told someone I was going to write something about them. Hope they like it! In all seriousness the past month to month in a half has been an amazing time for me in my life as I have been able to expand ministry roles and do more than what I was at the church. One of those things that I do at the church I already wrote about in the past "Redeemed" is the title. God has placed me though at the head of a small group where I am able to minister and befriend these guys that are really funny and to be honest with you alot like myself.... It is about the most fun I have had in a while and my dream is partially coming true knowing that I am able to share my life and share the amazingness of Jesus with them. With this comes working with another small group. The leader of that small group is someone that I don't know if anyone could ever dislike. She is one cool person! But since I know she is reading this I want to put a disclaimer here and say this, "You still aren't as cool as I am and never will be, get over it!" Haha! The truth is there is nothing else in life that I could look forward to more than ministry and working with the small group folks. Check back later for a video post. YEAH!

ok This is FUNNY!

I know I have been slacking at the blog thing but keep checking up. I am going to post a couple in the next couple days...including a video blog! wooo hoo. SO watch this and enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbvP7dT3Dx0

The rest of the story...

Ok, I realized last night that it bugged me to no end about the circomstances and things going on in my mind with the passing away of AJ. I thought if I blogged about it maybe some stress from my mind would be released but the more I typed and the more that I thought about the entirity of it, the more I got depressed about it, so I now have chosen to pray that God uses the situation in my life and others but also that I will never forget this feeling and that it drives me to be a person that reaches out more than I do. Lord use us!